* a heartfelt appeal from thekalamabooze....

The Kalamabooze would like to personally congratulate the Frito-Lay family for developing a snack-food product that has shaken the very core of the snack food industry.  The Ruffles Molten Hot Wings Flavored Potato Chip is a breakthrough in both the ridged potato chip, and flavored potato crisp, markets respectively.

As most are certainly aware, the vexing problem of applying molten hot wing flavoring to a thinly sliced, deep fried, tuber crop has eluded the snack food industry for decades.  For whatever reason, the successful incorporation of buffalo chicken flavoring in the tortilla chip product line has never been translated to its potato chip brethren.  Although it cannot go without saying that the preeminent buffalo chicken flavored tortilla nacho chip - Doritos brand’s Blazin’ Buffalo and Ranch tortilla chip - has a disconcerting dependence on the ranch element of the blend; ranch, of course, being the undisputed king of condiments.

However, Frito-Lay has met this challenge and found a winner in the Ruffles Molten Hot Wings Flavored Potato Chip.  This Ruffles potato chip attacks the proverbial flank of the Tortilla chip’s stronghold in the marketplace.  While I’m sure the tumultuous path towards this solution was paved with the toil and sacrifice of a team of individuals giving 110%, I can assure you that the result was quite an achievement indeed.

The Kalamabooze fully endorses this product and urges one and all to not only try this product after an evening of debauchery, but to tell your friends, family, and congressmen about its Molten-Hot-flavoured taste explosion. 

* mission

Our mission is a simple one: to visit every bar, pub, tavern, grill, or anything else you could loosely define as a drinking establishment in the greater Kalamazoo – Portage area.  As a caveat, we’ve also decided to document our findings and rate these establishments by our own criteria, hence the text before your eyes.  Read on and enjoy.

* reviews

Below are the latest and greatest reviews that theKalamabooze has to offer.  If you aren't seeing  what you are looking for, check out the archive or stop by in a week or two!

February, 2011

Kalamazoo Beer Exchange

211 East Water Stree.
Kalamazoo, MI 49007
(269) 532-1188

 *rating: 3.8/4.0 beers

While I fundamentally agree with the business model of the Beer Exchange, I can’t help but feel that this particular model wasn’t allowed to strut her stuff, as it where, to the hoards of eager customers, salivating at the opportunity to see her do a little turn on the catwalk, on the catwalk yeah, do a little turn on the catwalk.

If such a rambling opening statement, chock-full of esoteric references didn’t make my point abundantly clear, let me explain:  the beer exchange has a lot of beer.  They have a lot of beer that I haven’t heard of.  The price of said beer changes according to customer demand throughout the evening.  Every so often, the market “crashes” and all the beer drops in price and the whole process begin anew.

This is a great concept, so good that the Kalamabooze is genuinely pissed that it didn’t come up with it first.  But what is missing in this socio-economic model is the proletariat.  The working class.  The labourers.  The wage-earners whose sweaty brows shape the face of this great nation as if it where a plaster mold craft project for paste-eating grade-schoolers.  In other words, there was no abundance of cheap beer.

When I say “cheap” I’m of course referring to the type of brew that is drunk whilst mowing grass on a humid summer afternoon.  The type that is conveniently packaged in red-white-and-blue 30 packs to show off my patriotism and penchant for country music.  Old Style, PBR, Busch light and the like.  Now you can get yourself a phenomenally good Brooklyn Lager at the Exchange, but that would contradict the argument I’ve been making up to this point and force me to rewrite this review…which isn’t going to happen.

If you think I’m being hard on the Beer Exchange, you couldn’t be more mistaken.  Like a strict mother, I only want what is best for my wee little-uns.  I want it to succeed for no other reason than to see such a novel idea live on.  Like an overbearing parent, belligerently shouting at you from the grandstands of a high school sporting event, hoping that you can achieve the unrealistic dreams that my indolent past-self never realized, the Kalamabooze is rooting for you Beer Exchange.  We’re all rooting for you.

Duck Inn Waddle Out

3214 Brookfield Avenue
Kalamazoo, MI 49048
(269) 342-4447

 *rating: 2.0/4.0 beers

The Duck wins the award for “Best Avian Themed Bar with Tuesday Night Karaoke.”  At first, I was unimpressed with the winner of the  much-ballyhooed BATBTN award.  I imagine that – much like this very website – the Duck struggles to live up to its clever name.  However, the bartender was indeed nice enough to give me a hard time about being cheap (can’t say that I didn’t have that coming, but come on!   Bar-hopping on weeknights demands a certain amount of budgetary constraint).  If a fake award equates to a back-handed compliment, then by the criteria set forth by my best kalamabooze standards, the Duck shall receive a 2-beer rating – no more, no less.  

(Picture Not Available)

...if it were available it would look much like a man making like a leaf and getting the f*ck outta there.

Eastwood Tavern

2049 East Michigan Avenue
Kalamazoo, MI 49048
(269) 345-3599

 *rating: 0.0/4.0 beers

The Numbers:

  • 1 parking lot
  • 2 vehicles
  • 5 surly looking individuals
  • 0 beers and 1 potential beating averted

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